I'll Live In Your Memories
by themanemmaloves
Summary: WARNING: MAJOR CHARATER DEATH. I don't know why but I wanted to try writing this. Pure Captain Swan angst, Killian falls into a coma and Emma struggles with letting him go.


I'll Live In Your Memories

It's been three months since it happend. Three months since Killian fell into a coma and didn't wake up. Three months that Emma spent in the hospital beside him, holding his hand, telling him how much she loves him ,_begging_ him to wake up.

Every day, she would come to the hospital to spend some time with him, to see his beautiful face, stroke his cheek and sit next to him. She spent all her free time in the hospital with him, hoping every day that he will wake up.

She _hoped_. For the first time in her life, Emma hoped for something, desperately and blindly, with every fiber of her being. She hoped and she believed that he will come back to her. That all of this was just temporary and that soon enough, he'll look at her with his blue eyes and that he will hug her and kiss her and tell her how everything is OK now.

Not so long ago he told her she doesn't have to worry about him, and she trusted him and his words, his promise. But then, Rumplestiltskin decided to finish what started centuries ago and he went after Killian, once again. If Emma hadn't came in the middle of their falling out, Killian would already be dead. She managed to save his life, to finally defeat Rumplestiltskin with her magic and to banish him once and for all, far away where he could hurt no one ever again.

She rememberred Killian's weak body falling on the ground and she caught him. He smiled at her saying how bloody brilliant and amazing she is, how he will be OK, and how he is still a survivor. He thanked her and whispered a soft 'I love you' before passing out.

She clinged to his words and promises that he will be alright and they helped her get through every day, for three months. She reminded him in his sleep of them, of how she is going to kill him if he doesn't keep his promise.

Everyone was worried for her. Everyone tried to get through to her. Everyone failed.

When doctors came to her telling her how it's best for her to let him go so they can turn him off of the machines that are also the only things keeping him alive. She reacted like a crazy person, not considering it for even a second. She sure as hell wasn't letting him go, not like this and not now. Not yet.

Every time her parents tried to talk to her about it, she refused to listen, refused to accept their words. In this situation, she was the one with most hope.

Snow gave up hers weeks ago, Charming did as well, it took Henry a bit longer but eventually he came at peace with he fact that Killian is gone, sooner or later.

Emma was the last one holding on. And soon, that started fading too.

Emma was holding Killian's hand and stroking his cheek, admiring every inch of his face, rememberring every part of it. Her face became less optimistic by the minute.

She was hoping but she wasn't stupid. She was aware Killian didn't make any progress at all. It tore her apart but she tried to seem strong. She tried to have hope and to stay strong but most of her hope was there because she was blinded by her love for him and she wasn't ready to let go.

All Emma wanted out of romance was having someone for who she was ready to say she wanted to spend all her life with. And she had that with Killian, until it was ripped away from her. It was only the matter of time she was going to stop lying to herself and accept the fact that he may never come back.

* * *

When Killian fell into a coma, he woke up standing next to his own body in a hospital. It felt weird and he first didn't know what was happening, but he didn't feel alive anymore.

He watched Emma come to him every day and he would scream for her to hear him and she never did. No one did. He was trapped alone in a world where his own thoughts were tearing him apart.

One night, Emma fell asleep in her chair when she came to visit. He kneeled down in front of her, told her how much he misses her and when he reached out to stroke her hair, it moved. He realized he could touch her, but she still couldn't see him.

Killian didn't want to freak her out, so he never tried it again. He would just sit opposite of her and listen to her talk, for hours. He loved her voice and the way she talked, so tenderly with so much love... It always amazed him how much she actually loved him, and how much she needed him.

Today, after Emma left the hospital, in the usual time – 7.30, doctors walked into the room to examine him. After a few tests and check ups, they just looked at each other in pure silence, with sadness in their eyes while sending negative nods to one another.

He knew what was coming up.

Doctor Whale came to his bed, slowly putting his finger on the button that turns off the machines connected to him. Killian braced himself for what he thought was coming up – him leaving forever.

Emma was definitely not the one who told them to do this, and he'd prefer being dead then having to face her after what they're about to do without her knowledge.

He closed his eyes and replayed the last words that he heard Emma say.

„_I will see you later, OK?"_

Taking a deep breath, he felt a bit more ready. He heard the button being pressed and excpected to feel some sort of pain, but he didn't. He felt nothing. He felt the same way he's been feeling since he woke up in this strange state – empty.

The beeping sound filled the room and the doctors soon walked out. Killian Jones was officially dead.

While he was still trying to figure out what was it that kept him here, the doctors must've called Emma, because there she was – yelling at them in the hallway, probably hitting someone while she tried to pass them.

She was crying and yelling, refusing to accept the fact that she will never see him again and his heart just broke for her. He wanted so much more for them, he wanted to make her happy, and now that's never going to happen.

David was there, and he grabbed her, hugging her tight as she held on to his jacket and cried. She just couldn't stop crying.

Killian couldn't keep his promise. He lied. He didn't come back. _She lost him_.

After they dragged her out of the hospital Emma decided she'll go for a walk. Her feet carried her to his ship, subconsciously or not, but she ended up there.

He followed her all the way, desperately asking her questions of what she was planning on doing, even though he knew she couldn't hear him.

Once they entered his quarters, Emma stopped. She gently traced her hand over the table, the tips of her fingers lingering on the hard wood as her eyes explored the room further.

Her heavy legs somehow found the strength to carry her to the bed. She sat down, a tiny smile appeared on her face as she was rememberring the quiet mornings they spent here. Her sitting in his lap while he made all kinds of jokes just to hear her laugh... Him bringing her breakfast to bed... Them enjoying their lazy mornings here, with their legs tangled and arms wrapped tightly around each other.

Killian sat next to her and finally realized what was it that kept him here. It was her. He didn't get to say goodbye.

His hand reached her cheek and brushed away the tear that was sliding down it. Emma flinched, and all terrified, looked around her and saw no one. She didn't know what was happening, and he stroked her hair, his fingers continued sliding down her neck and she recognized his touch and the pattern of it.

„K-K... Killian?"

He smiled gently at her, cupping her face.

„It's me, Swan. I'm here."

She was terrified and confused, for a moment she thought she was losing her mind. But she could still feel his touch.

„What's happening?"

„I wish I could tell you but you can't here me, love."

His hand traced down her arm and she still felt him. He wanted to remember how she felt like, how her skin felt – he wanted to remember as much as he could.

„You promised me..."

A tear slid down her face once again as she stared into air, she couldn't see him and it broke her to know that this was probably the last time she will feel him.

„I know... I'm sorry for that. It's what I do. I fail. And I'm sorry I failed you, Swan, I never intended to. More then anything I wish you could see me right now. I wish I could hold you and I wish you could hear me when I say how much I love you, Emma. But I can't. I'm going to miss you so bloody much."

„Please come back... Killian please."

She sobbed out while her throath ached from crying.

„If it only were that easy... I wanted so much for us, and now we won't have it. And I know you can't hear me now, but I hope you know, and that you will always know, how much you've changed me. I was alone, full of hate and darkness, driven by revenge... Until I met you."

Emma curled into a ball, herarms wrapped tightly around her knees as her head fell on them. Killian reached out for her one final time and held her hand. She looked up, her eyes red and her face swollen, as he kissed her forhead. His lips lingered for a few seconds and when he finally parted he could feel that his work here is done.

„Killian?"

„I will see you again, love. I can't wait to tell Liam all about you. He's going to love you, I'm certain of it. You will be OK, Swan, there are people here who need you. And they love you. Stay strong for them, for your boy."

„Please don't go... Not yet."

„We've had an amazing run, love. And more then anything I wish it lasted longer. But our story doesn't end here. It can't. You'll always live in my memories as I will in yours."

He got up and backed away from her slowly, and she seemed a bit calmer as if she heard his words.

„I love you."

She whispered, hoping with everything she had left in her that he could hear her. She needed him to remember that.

His face softened and he smiled. He glanced at her one final time, his own eyes full of tears as well, and he replied:

„I love you too..."

He was falling apart too, because he wasn't ready to let her go. He didn't want to.

The final word slipped out of him, tender and bittersweet, and it was his last word to her.

„...Goodbye."

A light flashed before his eyes and in a split of a second he was gone. Emma spent the night on his bed, _their_ bed, hoping she would feel him one final time. Even if it was just for a second.

But she didn't, he was gone and she felt it. A part of her was gone now too.

_**The end.**_


End file.
